This week marks two years that I have lived in Houston. To say that these two years have been hard and complicated and confusing and scary would be a little bit of an understatement. To say that they have been wild and unpredictable and filled with amazing friendships and the privilege of witnessing miracles every time I go to work would be an understatement too :) I wrote the following post after I had lived in my apartment for about two weeks. I had no idea what was to come, and even though there are things I wish I could forget, if I had to do it over again, I'm not sure I'd change anything.
Enjoy :)
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May 25, 2014
Hey there.
I read a quote the other day and the very end of it has sort of been replaying in my mind ever since I saw it."I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive". I like that. The risk of it all. The unabashedness (not a word?) of putting yourself completely out there. Handing over your whole heart for something or someone you believe in may be foolish, but I think it's even more so to hold it back for fear of it being too difficult or scary. I would rather be 98 and look back on all the risks I took and be a little embarrassed or bruised than full of regrets and my least favorite question ever: "What if"?
It's been almost a year and a half since I last blogged. So, you know, stuff has happened. EEEEEEK. I've moved to Texas and am living alone for the first time ever. It's the weirdest combination of feeling completely independent and sort of like a kid at camp. Today, I made chocolate chip cookies and listened to Jay Z's "The Black Album" as loud as my record player would play it and nobody was there to tell me to stop rapping while baking because I was bound to misread 3 and 1/4 cup of flour as just 1/4 cup of flour (a la the pumpkin bread incident of 2010. #NeverForget)
I think there is something to be learned from living alone. I guess it's not for everyone, but having my own bathroom is worth it (No offense Kelli/G5/Lup3/Brooke, Ari, Ris/Jess). And my own kitchen. I love decorating (I get it from my mama and sister) and putting together my own place with my own style makes my heart happy. I think it's important to be comfortable just being on your own...sitting on your own couch, drinking your own wine, watching whatever you want on TV (sup, current "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" marathon). Lately, I've remembered that depending on someone else to make you happy is a really easy way to end up sort of miserable. So, I get to bake, and buy pretty flowers, and explore my new town and I'm so very happy. And for me, happy needs a soundtrack (but not that damn Pharrell song, because if I hear it ONE MORE TIME.....)
Here are some songs I'm jamming to:
"All of Me"-John Legend. Ugh, Chrissy is a lucky girl. This song is the kind of messy, imperfect love that I find completely perfect.
"Talk Dirty"-Jason Derulo feat. 2 Chainz. Such a fun sound. It's cheesy and dumb, but man, is it great to turn up really loud.
"Dani California"-Red Hot Chili Peppers. Reminds me of being 16 and riding to school in a Mustang convertible with one of my favorite people ever.
"I Choose You"- Sara Bareilles. "This is a beautiful start to a lifelong love letter"... makes me smile every time.
"Sing"-Ed Sheeran. Do you think I can realistically convince people we are related? He is the coolest. This song makes me want to dance around.
"Fancy"-Iggy Azalea feat. Charli XCX. I blame Jimmy Fallon for this obsession.
"XO"- John Mayer. https://soundcloud.com/johnmayer/xo Combining two of my favorite things: acoustic guitar and Queen Bey. I love when an artist can make a cover absolutely their own. JM totally does that so well- also see "Free Fallin" and "I'm on Fire" (a Springsteen cover that gives me chills every time I hear it)
Okay. I get to go do what.ever.I.want.to.
xo, s
