Birth in the Time of COVID

Well, hello.

I haven't used this blog for a few years. Since the last time I posted, I got married....got a new puppy...had a baby. You know, just a few small life changes. I love to look back at the posts on this blog as reminders of my life during my early 20's. I was adjusting to my first real job in a new city in my own big girl apartment. There were, as there often are during that phase of life, some high highs and some low lows. This blog has helped me process things that happened and looking back on them shows me how much has changed. So, this post is to serve as my own little reminder of what this time in my life was like. It's incredibly personal, and I consider myself to be a private person, especially as I've gotten older. So, I post it not to overshare or ask for sympathy/attention, but rather to share what I've experienced in the hopes that someone who has similar feelings doesn't feel so alone.

We found out we were expecting our first baby the day after my husband's birthday in October, 2019. I went up to his office to meet him for lunch and told him he had a late birthday present. I'll never forget the look of confusion and then shock and then pure joy as I showed him the picture of the two pregnancy tests(one of which was digital...I needed to see the word "pregnant"...the lines didn't cut it). My parents came into town the next week and it was so special to get to tell both sets of grandparents in person about the news. We went back to Atlanta for Christmas and I remember being so nauseous walking down the veryyyy familiar C terminal at Hartsfield-Jackson. We came back to Houston and celebrated NYE 2020 with our friends Laura and Chris. I remember thinking this was going to be such a crazy year. Lol, I had no idea.

I first read about what would eventually become COVID-19 in late January. I'm a science/medicine nerd and it was scary to see how rapidly it spread in Wuhan. I was a sophomore at Vandy when H1N1 first appeared and I figured it'd be similar to that. We'd isolate sick people, we'd wash our hands, the fraternities would make huge banners with very catchy sayings about how "H1N1 <3's our 'Dores"..k, maybe not that last one. Then I started reading about travel-related cases in Washington...then California...then cruise ships...then long-term care facilities...

I last was in my office on March 12. I was very excited since I had just brought my new mini-fridge to campus (this is 30) and was planning on stocking it with premium snacks and beverages after Spring Break. When I got word that we wouldn't be returning to campus after Spring Break, I figured it'd just be a spring semester thing. I didn't know that it would be at least 5 months before I went back to campus.

I remember the chest-gripping anxiety when I read about mamas in New York having to deliver their babies without a support person. Never, ever did I imagine that's how I'd give birth but suddenly I had to think about what that would be like. How was I going to spend what is simultaneously the scariest and the most beautiful moment of your life by myself? Without the one person who has ever been able to calm down this wild, crazy mind of mine? I was terrified and so damn sad about the possibility that my husband wouldn't be with me to meet our baby. He had to stop coming to appointments with me and I'd go alone, stop at the makeshift check-in in the hospital lobby, put on my mask, and go up to my visits from weeks 24-38. 

Thankfully, Governor Cuomo in NY (I could write a whole blog post just about him, but I won't) wrote an executive order that mandated pregnant women in labor be given a support person and Texas never implemented a ban. We made it to June, ready to meet our baby. There were no maternity pictures, no in-person showers, no "oh, wow, you look ready to pop!". My own family never saw me in person with a bump. I was 14 weeks when I last saw them. 

When I went into labor, I got another mask, got a COVID test (really isn't that bad, felt like I jumped under water and forgot to plug my nose), and had a baby. Craig was by my side the entire time and was such a pro at leg-holding and not passing out. I've been a part of hundreds of births and it was so disorienting to be on the other side of things. The one pushing instead of the one teaching how to push. The one crying as my baby got put onto my chest instead of the one (still usually tearing up) helping put a baby on a new mama. Craig got to say "It's a girl! Meet Reese Stevenson" and it'll forever be one of the most magical and special moments of my life. Worth the wait, for those of you who don't find out gender before delivery.

We had to wear masks (I barfed in mine while pushing....I tell you this because I will always keep it real) whenever other people were in our room. We were in and out of that hospital 25 hours after Reese was born. We are so in love with our girl and have spent so much time as a family of 5 (yes, the dogs absolutely count). As happy as we are to have this time together, this is not how I pictured it. I pictured our families meeting our girl right after she was born. I pictured my mom with me afterwards, helping me at home as I adjusted to being a mom myself. I pictured taking Reese to meet our friends, braving the Houston heat to hang out at our favorite breweries with our favorite people. Reese will be 9 weeks this week and none of that has happened yet. I don't know when it will. Nothing feels normal, and while I imagine most new parents feel some level of isolation, this is next level. I remember reading another mom post about it. She said something along the lines of having been chosen for this. Being made to become a parent in this time. I hold on to that. It's hard, for sure, but it's what we were made to do. Our friends and family have been so good to us, sending gifts and ordering us food. We are so lucky when I know so many are not. 

While this is certainly not how I pictured things and not what I would choose, it's what we have. And it's still really beautiful. 

Monkey Mocha!

One of my favorite things to do is try to make healthy-ish versions of my favorite foods from my favorite restaurants. I recreated my fave BBQ salmon from Capers (the restaurant that I spent a lot of time at in high school with my best friends and where I got engaged last year!) and it was so good! Lately, I've been missing my second hometown-Nashville-and wanted to recreate something from there.

Like most college students, I sold a small portion of my soul to local coffee shops in order to caffeine-power my way through studying and paper-writing. One of my go-to's was Frothy Monkey in 12 South. It was close to my house on Belmont Boulevard and just has the best vibe and really awesome food too. I used to see Keith Urban there a lot.

My favorite coffee there is the "Monkey Mocha" that is basically a mocha with banana syrup. It is so, so good and just thinking about it takes me back to that tragic semester I took Intro to Poetry, HIV/AIDS in a Global Context, History of the Holocaust, and Infant Psychology all at the same time (#heavy).  I don't have banana syrup and don't really do a lot of mocha anymore, but I did have a bunch of cafe latte protein powder laying around.....so, I got creative!

"Monkey Mocha" Shake (Inspired by Frothy Monkey)
-----Serves 1

1 scoop of protein powder (so, I use Shakeology Cafe Latte, but you could easily sub with your fave brand's chocolate flavor for more of mocha taste!)
8oz black coffee, cold (make a cup, stick it in the fridge before your workout..or nap...whatever)
1/2 banana, frozen or fresh
1 cup of crushed ice

Combine all ingredients in blender.  Blend. Enjoy.
Add as much ice as you want to make it thicker and more like a milkshake :) I also use frozen banana because I like to eat this with a spoon

Let me know if you try it! Better yet, let me know if you go to Nash and have the real thing!!!!

Can It Be Taco Tuesday Every Day?

I have always loved allllll the Latin foods and I think moving to Texas has only made the love stronger. My family feels the same way...except, my dad has boycotted "Taco Tuesdays" because my mom went on a TT spree last year and it was too much for good ol' Miguelito.

However, in our house, we are always down for fajitas/tacos/enchiladas/tamales/margaritas (especially margaritas). Despite all da cheese, a lot of these staples can easily be made healthy and still full of flavor. One of our favorite recipes is for chicken tinga tacos! I got this recipe from "Fixate" (a cooking show by my favorite trainer, Autumn Calabrese, and her brother, Bobby, who is a chef!). These tacos are easy to make and the flavor is out-of-control good. Let me know what you think if you make them!!


Chicken Tinga Tacos (From "Fixate")
Serves: 4 (3/4 cup meat mixture per serving)

Ingredients:

1 cup low-sodium organic chicken broth
1 tsp. unflavored gelatin
1 Tbsp. olive oil
¾ cup chopped onion (approx. 1 medium)
4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 cup all-natural tomato puree
1 Tbsp. chili powder
1 tsp. dried oregano leaves
2 bay leaves (I left these out because I'm lazy and we don't have any)
2 canned chipotle chili peppers in
adobo sauce, finely chopped  (THESE ARE MY FAVORITE!!!! I use more than they call for because I like spicy food!)
1 Tbsp. adobo sauce (sauce from the
canned chipotle chili peppers in
adobo sauce)
1 Tbsp. fresh lime juice
1 tsp. finely grated lime peel (lime zest)
3 cups shredded cooked chicken breast (Save yourself the trouble and use rotisserie!)
¼ tsp. sea salt (or Himalayan salt)
¼ tsp. ground black pepper
8 (6-inch) corn tortillas

Steps:

1. Sprinkle broth with gelatin in a small bowl. Set aside.
2. Heat oil in medium nonstick skillet over medium high heat until fragrant.
3. Add onion; cook, stirring frequently, for 3 to 5 minutes, or until onion is translucent.
4. Add garlic; cook, stirring frequently, for 1 minute.
5. Add broth mixture, tomato puree, chili powder, oregano, bay leaves, chipotle chili peppers, adobo sauce, lime juice, lime peel, chicken, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low; gently boil, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes, or until sauce is reduced by half.
6. Remove bay leaves. Divide ¾ cup chicken mixture between two tortillas for each serving.

Notes: Instead of tortillas, I just put my serving on top of salad mix and it was phenom. Also, this makes a great leftover lunch the next day!

Oh, Hello Again!

It's like I forget I have a blog and then once a year, remember to do something with it! Well, I did some yoga tonight while my fiance watched the Rockets game in the same room (it was as #zen as possible...he is a vocal sports fan) and thought about why I started this thing in the first place a few years ago. It comes down to three reasons:

1. I like to write. Writing is how I have always worked through all my emotions; my songbook that I started in the tenth grade has made it through 8 moves with me! I am the nerd that would prefer to write a paper than take a test any day.

2. I am, and will probably always be, on an ongoing journey towards better health. The name of this blog (and my Instagram!) Skinnyish Shan is sort of tongue-in-cheek though. I don't want to be skinny (not that there is anything wrong with that; it just a'int how this body was made to be!) I want to be healthy and functioning at my optimal level. It's hard work, but I know how it is worth it.

3. I've had a lot of people reach out to me whenever I've been public about my experience with weight/eating/exercising. I am by no means an expert, and I'll never pretend to be. I, however, have lost 50lbs (twice) on my own with clean eating and exercising and am an (almost) doctorally-prepared nurse. I can read through the research, know which statistics and data are real and which are not, and help people make educated decisions because that's what I've trained to do.

I never want to be be preachy, I never want to be pushy, I never want to be a bully. My hope is that by being vulnerable and open about my experiences, I can help someone who is in the same boat. I don't believe in quick fixes and I don't believe in unhealthy and unsustainable programs that promise you'll lose 30lbs in two weeks. I believe in nutrition and exercise science. I believe that working hard and treating your body well is the best gift you can give yourself.

I'm starting another round of "80 Day Obsession" on June 4th. I'll post some more about it this week and I'm so excited to share this part of my experience with anyone who is interested.

Egg Roll Bowl

Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you I love adore am obsessed with any kind of Asian food. Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. The flavor combinations a lot of these foods offer are probably what I dream about most nights. Spicy, sweet, salty. NOM NOM. It can sometimes be tricky to find healthy options that aren't boring ("ugh" to all the times I've ordered chicken with mixed vegetables, sauce on the side), so I'm always looking for recipes to try to recreate my faves at home. My boyfriend and I made homemade beef with broccoli once and it was awesome! He fully embraces my love of all things Asian food, except sushi :/ He's always down to split some of our fave takeout fried rice with me though. 


I found a recipe this week that I knew I needed in my life ASAP: egg roll bowl.  I LOVE EGG ROLLS. I didn't until recently, but now, I crave them all the time, even especially the ones in the hospital cafeteria. If you're looking for your egg roll fix, but a little healthier, you're welcome in advance :*

Egg Roll Bowl (from "Grounded and Surrounded")
Serves: 4

• 16 oz spicy ground turkey sausage, browned
• 16 oz package of coleslaw
• 1 red pepper, julienned
• 5 green onions, thinly sliced 
• 5 cloves garlic, minced or grated
• 1/4 cup soy sauce or coconut aminos (I used low sodium soy sauce)
• 1 tsp ground ginger powder

1. In a large pan, brown turkey sausage.
2. Next, add in bag of coleslaw, red pepper slices, whites of onion, and grated garlic. Saute with browned meat for 2-3 minutes.
3. Last, mix in ground ginger powder and soy sauce. Saute another 2 minutes and serve warm!
4. Top with greens of onions and enjoy

SO GOOD!!!!!! I topped mine with a little sweet Thai chili sauce :)

Enjoy y'all! 

S

Healthy Pad Thai

I have a small to moderately-sized obsession with chicken Pad Thai. One time, I ordered it from Noodles and Company and they gave me shrimp and I cried. I think it was also during finals in midwifery school, so trust me, that was a normal emotional response.

Anyways, I try to follow a low(er) carb diet. I am fine with gluten and all that, but I have found that eating lots of carbs (like pastas or bread) makes me tired and sluggish. I still eat fruit, I still eat whole-grain, sprouted toast (Ezekial bread 4 lyfe), but overall, I try to minimize carbz. So, a sad absence from my beloved Pad Thai was noted.

UNTIL I FOUND THIS RECIPE!!!!!! Zoooooooodles are my new fave. I've had a spiralizer for a year or so and never used it. Well, I finally did and I'm so happy, but be careful because that sucker is SHARP. This zoodle Pad Thai is SO good and full of flavor that I don't even miss the noodles.  Note that it doesn't have bean sprouts or egg, which are pretty traditional in Pad Thai. So, maybe this isn't technically Pad Thai. I'm not an expert, homies, I just like good food.

Healthy Thai Peanut Chicken and Zucchini Noodles

1 garlic clove, minced
 2 teaspoons fresh ginger, minced 
4 tablespoons of peanut butter 
1 lime, zested and juiced 
2 tablespoons soy sauce (low sodium! I used 1 tbsp of coconut aminos and 1 of low sodium soy sauce)
¼ teaspoon of red pepper flakes 
2 tablespoons of canola oil (I used EVOO here and it was just fine) 
2 cups chicken breast, cooked and shredded 
3 zucchini, spiral sliced 
2 large carrots, spiral sliced 
1 red pepper, spiral sliced 
⅓ cup of fresh cilantro, chopped
 ¼ cup of green onions, diced 
chopped unsalted roasted peanuts and lime wedges, optional as a garnish

What to Do:
1. Add the garlic, ginger, peanut butter, lime juice and zest, soy sauce and red pepper flakes to a small bowl and mix together. 
2. To a large frying pan, add your oil on high heat. 
3. Add the zucchini, carrots and bell peppers to the pan and cook until just wilted, 3-4 minutes, stirring occasionally. 
4. Add in the chicken, sauce, cilantro and green onions and toss together until all warmed through. 
5. Garnish with sesame seeds and wedges of lime if desired.

*According to the recipe, it serves 6. I think 4 and that's with relatively small portions, but maybe this lady isn't as hungry as me? Idk. Also, I'm gonna try this with powdered PB next time to cut down on some of the fat, but seriously, this is signif better for you than takeout. Eat it, love it, don't cry when your takeout order is wrong.

<3
S

#RealTalk

I have a little time off before I start my new job, so I took the morning off today from studying/paper-writing/discussion-board-stalking to have a cup of coffee and watch something on Netflix. I watch a lot of cooking competition shows (I promise no one shouts at the screen like I do when I watch "Chopped"), so a lot of my recommended programs are food-based. The documentary "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" came up. I've heard about it in the past and thought "Eh, why not?"

It follows the journey of one man who uses juicing to change his life and essentially cure himself of a rare autoimmune disorder he had previously been taking steroids to control. He juices for 60 days, traveling across America and meeting real people and talking about people's relationship with food in this country. He meets a truck driver in Arizona named Phil who later reaches out to him for help. Phil juices, adopts a new lifestyle, and loses a lot of weight. Phil had some ups and downs after the film came out, which you can read about right here.

That article made me cry in my kitchen as I diced some butternut squash. Big tears so, no worries, I put down the large chef knife because I like my hands the way they are. No, I'm not a 400lb man who drives trucks, but what he said resonated so deeply with me that I have to get this out. If you don't want to read some #deeptalk, no worries. I'll post some yum recipes later this week when I'm avoiding homework again. If you want to get real, read on.

Some of you know this, most of you don't, but I have struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food for as long as I can remember. I have no exact reasoning behind it. I grew up with the MOST AMAZING family with a mom who always made dinner for us. No, it wasn't salad every night, but her meals were nutritious and so good. The thing is, I got chubby and then overweight, and then (according to BMIs) obese. It could be a slow metabolism, maybe a thyroid thing, but I've never gotten bloodwork done about it, so I'm not sure. I grew up playing softball, tennis, lacrosse, and I swam. I was never an amazing athlete, but I wasn't awful. All I know is that I never looked like my friends, the majority of whom were tall and thin. I don't remember a time where I felt comfortable in shorts or a swimsuit. In high school, I distinctly remember a guy tell me in the cafeteria that I should "go take some diet pills or something".  I was 16 years old.

When I got to college, it didn't get better. I went to a school known for having beautiful, skinny girls with credit cards with no limits. I will never, ever regret the time I spent there (I still consider it home), but I became a product of my environment. I was obsessed with how I looked, what I wore, etc. I'd eat healthy (healthy-ish) in front of my friends, then I would drive to a suburb about 30 minutes from campus and binge-eat Zaxby's because for some reason, it made me feel better.

After I moved to Houston, my weight continued to increase. I ate whatever, I worked out rarely. Every now and then, I'd start some crazy diet, lose a few lbs and then get back into my old habits. I put up with a lot of really bad relationships because I was grateful that somebody wanted to date me when I barely wanted to look in the mirror. This past January, I decided I was tired of feeling that way. I was tired of feeling tired and sluggish. I was tired of my stomach always hurting. I was tired of getting migraines. I was tired of going shopping and never wanting to try stuff on because I didn't think it'd fit and I was embarrassed to ask for a bigger size. So, I did something about it.

I'm not going to tell you it was, or is, easy. That I wake up every day and juice some kale and smile like some weird commercial. Or that I put my shoes on every morning, ready for my workout. That's not true. It's hard. I have worked my butt off to get my Masters and I'm working on my Doctorate and it a'int easy...but this, this daily battle I have found myself in, is the hardest work I've ever done. There are days that I don't win. There are days when I drive up to the Zaxby's in Cypress, eat this massive meal, and cry the entire way home. There are days when I eat to the point of getting physically ill and then I feel better, as if pushing my body so far that I get sick means the calories are simply erased. But, more often than not, there are days where I scramble up some egg whites with arugula and drink coffee on my balcony. There are days where I do a quick, 30-minute workout (see my last post!!!) and then even have some time to go to my favorite kickboxing class at the gym. There are days when my wonderful, sweet boyfriend makes me Chicken Tikka Masala and gets whole-wheat naan because he knows how important this is to me. It's funny because those are the days that I feel the happiest. Those are the days that I sleep better. Those are the days that I am a better nurse, better friend, better sister, better girlfriend, better daughter. Taking care of myself lets me take care of the people (and patients!!) that I love.

So, if you are reading this and think no one else knows what it feels like to feel fat, looked down on, weak, sad, tired, frustrated, defeated, or depressed, you're wrong. I've been there and sometimes I still am there. Every day, you have opportunity to treat your body well. Make small changes, then make bigger ones. No one else is going to do this for you. You owe it yourself to feel happy and beautiful <3


Happy Holidays
S